genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
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Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize