I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
