this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
