come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Randomize
