he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
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