Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
