I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
