we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
