Christians are straight up FREAKS
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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