I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Girls should come with a carfax report
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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