Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
