Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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