Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
