ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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