even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
birth control should be required to get into college
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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