She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
