Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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