why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
