You smell like stripper and shame
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Just took my morning after pill in the library
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
