I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
