watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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