Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
