Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
