so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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