They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
