I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
