I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
