Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
