i barfeds in our rink
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
