If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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