I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
