And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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