how can u be prego again
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
