I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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