there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
