people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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