I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm drive I can fine osifer
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
