apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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