I wish my penis had an off switch
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
