were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
