She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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