sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
