I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
