foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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