last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
