does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
