I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
