new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
