I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
