needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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