I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
