she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
a search helicopter?!
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
