I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
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