Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
