Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
