its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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