I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Please don't give away my fajitas
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
