she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
