How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
