walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
