haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
