Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
