We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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