the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
