Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
