I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
