..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
