Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
