we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
