she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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