it was like fucking gandolphs beard
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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