Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
