New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
