remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
