I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
