Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
