i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
