I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
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