Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize