mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
