At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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