i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
