your parents love me but you hate me
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
