I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
