we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
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I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
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New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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