Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
