I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
