Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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