I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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