a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
