I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
