we have pet lesbian snakes
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
