wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
